"They may forget what you said but they will never forget how you made them feel"
Carl W. Buechner
I want to share a few of my favorite encounters that I have read about that has made a difference in how I approach my relationships with people.
Encounter #1 - Written by a psychologist
"Sometimes a brief interchange with a patient may leave us speechless. One such instance for me happened at the end of a long course of psychotherapy with an adult client who was sexually abused as a child. As I began to ask a series of wrap-up questions, my goal was to elicit summative answers or paradigms she had learned that would provide internal guidance for her in the future. I wanted her to take credit for all the hard work she had done in therapy. At least those were my intentions. Her response to my intervention, though, would leave me with a lesson worth remembering. To accomplish my goal, I waited until her voice was bubbling with confidence and joy. I then said, "Let's stop for a minute. Picture my face as a mirror and what do you see?"She quickly responded, "I see a woman alive with life - a woman who has resurrected the child who was lost because of the abuse. She has also integrated her with the secure woman she is now and because of that, she is amazing!" Her exuberance made us both laugh. Following this, I then asked, "Well, how did you get to this point? You weren't this way when you first came in to see me." My expectation was that in response she would review the approaches learned and healthy beliefs integrated in her life during the treatment. Instead, her face showed surprise, and she blurted out, "You mean you don't know?" "No. Not exactly," I replied. "Well," she said, "it was simple."
"Simple?" I replied. ( Now it was my turn to be surprised) "Yes. You see, the first time I came here to see you, I simply watched how you sat with me; then I began sitting with myself in the same way."
Encounter #2
When Nobel Peace Prize winner Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa was speaking at the General Theological Seminary in New York City, one of the students sitting in the audience nudged the dean, who was sitting next to him, and whispered, "Desmond Tutu is a holy man." The dean in response quickly asked, "How do you really know this?" To which the young man quickly replied, " I know Desmond Tutu is holy because when I am with him I feel holy."
How do people feel after they have had an encounter with you? How do your children feel? How does your husband or wife feel? How does that coworker feel? How does that stranger feel?
Is it all about you?
These two encounters raise a question for all of us who want to help, influence, and make a difference in people's lives.
What do people experience when they are with you?
Do they experience a sense of respectful space where they can rest their burdens, anger, questions, ideas, dreams, projections, stress, anxiety, and wonder? Or, do they feel our sense of exhaustion, need to always be right or in control, or even our desire to be viewed as wise, attractive, witty, spiritual or helpful?
In my opinion, it's not so much about how much a person knows. This is helpful, but not what I remember people for. I think about how I am inspired, encouraged, loved, accepted, and regarded by this person. HOW THEY MADE ME FEEL ABOUT ME. When I know that someone loves me and accepts me, I can receive challenges, constructive criticism, and wisdom from this person.
It is my hearts desire to show people God through me. I truly believe that people are gifts given to me to encourage, love, inspire, and accept. What are you doing with the people that God put in your life? We can never underestimate the power of relationship. Sometimes, you may be the only person that is speaking life into them. Sometimes, you may be the only "healthy" relationship that they have!
How have you left the people in your path today?
"Come unto Me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest. Bring your hurts, bring your scars, bring the load that you carry, and I will give you rest". Jesus
"Surround yourself with people who believe in your dreams"
